he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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