if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
