Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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