Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
