Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
