hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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