Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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