Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
