Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
