Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
