he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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