Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
