I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
