it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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