Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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