i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
