He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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