im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
