i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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