to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
