time to smoke my breakfast
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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