Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
