mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
