booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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