the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
