i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
