mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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