I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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