this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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