Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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