woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
