i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think a kid would responsible me up
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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