She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
