i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
