So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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