I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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