ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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