I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
