Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
