i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
