I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
