My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
