The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
