mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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