I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
