Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
