Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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