The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
