i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
