he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
