hell yes lets make some ravioli
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
