I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
